Resonance

He touched the deepest part of her. His resonance was in every touch she felt.

As she showered looking down at every part he kissed, he left his imprint on her skin like stamp marking his territory. He was the one, the only one she thought as she lay in the tub submerged with rose petals and fragrant bath oils. Candles lit create an ambiance of pure magic.

If only he were here she thought, glancing at the time that seemed to work against her so tedious and slow. Causing her to cry at the very thought of losing him forever. His resonance was slowly left behind like a murderous trap with no one to blame. No one who can see him. Sitting on my couch with his legs raised, making sure we knew he was my man. Or the backyard, that causes her to brag about how he cleaned it up nice on her birthday.

Or a laugh might slip as she thinks of the moment he asked if she wanted the flowers some guy was selling while waiting on his goat soup. Never once has she met a man so powerful. That his biggest weapon is his intelligence and precision. A man so complete that all he needs is his word and a backpack as he trails off into the sunlight.

A true vagabond, self explorer who needs none but his Lord, that has kept him since a youth.

Maybe she is destined to be punished for her coldness. How she lives thinking things in her head and acts upon it. A curse brought upon her due to selfishness and pure self hatred. Why must she be inquisitive about things unknown to her. So curious about what the future holds, so desperate to find answers that relate hope.

But there was something different that night……..

She had been unfaithful and that’s why she lost him but decided that it was time to move on. She removed any connection that she had of him. She striped her soul of him, she experienced withdrawal symptoms greater than a heroin fiend. But she prevailed. She rose and never fell again for the same bullshit.

His resonance continued to haunt her from foreign colognes to the food he ate she felt him everywhere. As much as she put him away in the back of her mind she also waited.

She became strong and independent. She focused on her self. She cared again about her looks and reinvented everything she would of liked to do.

And you know what! Right when she didn’t need him, right when she didn’t talk about him or allowed him in her thoughts. He came like the white horse comes and rescues you in those old movies. Radiant he was and he also had worked on himself much.

Together they became one. Together they fought for love. That feeling you cannot hide. That mutual feeling you both can feel when performing the physical act of it.

Love is a decision you make, a grand gesture of gratitude and appreciation for life. For your love, mom or friend. We need to mold love into what it should be. It’s an emotion, an energy that if left neglected can cause the heart to grow cold and love to escape you as a bird would fly out of the cage it lives in.

Together again

When we make love I tell you with my body that you belong to me. That when you touch me, my body obliges to your needs.

You need to see me obey you, your command is for me to reach the very heights only you can bring me to.

Yet you left yet again because I wasn’t mature enough to see that if your are there with me you are here for me.

That night you called and asked what was the urgency?

Would you like me to tell you….

That once we arrived together that I cannot shake you off. That my body craves you as we crave water when thirsty.

You gave in you always have. That night everything was forgotten. That night we decided that we would not put up a fight. Only you and I know whats right.

That you belong to me and I belong to you. That I found my resting place within you. That your comfort weighs me down and your love keeps me going.

Together again we are together we will remain. It hurts me to know to remember when you wouldnt even answer yet it took some time and you did.

Your heart grew cold but I prayed for it to be soften. I prayed that you would be the man I only need.

Together again we are together again we will be. For my heart longed for you and the God of my heart listened!!!

Communion

As I gasp for air just thinking of the word communion. To commune, to partake. For your sake. Must be done. Must we share? A place in time so vivid you are you keep me entranced with the divine.

Communion….. see I interpret it as an act of humility, to commune and partake. To pass the bread of life as you and your disciples did. What are to you trying to say? To me oh Lord who can’t even share time with those who I love.

For my spirit is exalted, my thoughts un-pure. My convictions are heavy at the sight of the Lord. So this bread was passed around? What could the taste have been? Could it have been stale, hard to go down. Hard to embrace making you frown. Was it cold but tempting to the sight, so filling I can’t put up a fight? Or was it warm but not tempting at best but when you try it, it will put you to rest. That something so good was tasted by me that could put all upheaval and madness to sleep.

And when they passed the bread around did they take a big bit or was it nibbled and savored, a morsel sufficed. Did they know what it was, a ceremony that required their trust. A moment in time sealed with a brush, a stroke of a pen an account of the facts. A moment of giving and sharing their best. Which their commitment to you and to their brethren too. A pledge was taken an oath to be honored for you.

But I cannot relate, my soul is at stake for she of Magdalene is missing her plate. I say her plate for she wanted it all. Her riches and wealth had lead to her fall. Triumphant he is who called out her name, in seven different ways it sounded the same. Yet she stood and followed command and said in her heart what manner, this man? Who came to erase the sins of the world. All grown up he made me girl. My cheeks blush my hairs stand I feel like child holding his hand.

But I won’t question her presence or not, communion we all must partake wether we want to or not. We must sit at the table, listening to all the fables. The day to day trial which greatly enable, to give strength and peace to abide with each other. That forces ourselves to love one another.

So let go of the pain because the childish remain dancing with the wicked their music in vain. Their lustful wishes will tear them apart. You said you were coming so don’t break my heart. I wait for the promises that you will impart distributed equally no matter what……..

My trust in you

I put my trust in you I always have. You have been kind, thoughtful a true gentleman. Teaching me patience through your methodical blessings. Not too much, not too soon.

But I plead with you Lord. Not this!

Don’t take away the one thing that has uplifted me in the last few months. I go through dark tunnels, intimacy is a craving that I deprive myself from.

The taste of love bitter to my mouth but a much needed bitter. That once it navigates to my body dulls all negative anticipations that I had of him.

Him whom I love but can’t have. For he is a servant of the Lord who can’t commingle with the wicked.

A prince whom you’ve prepared for your army. May I be worthy of a morsel.
Just a taste of love, a trickle. That I may feel what wakes people up in the morning, rushes them to bed at night.

The thing poets write about and scientist can’t seem to discover.
That love that keeps you going fuels your soul.

Upon my self discovery I have found it to be hard to love but more so due to lack for love of self. So I give myself to you…..yet again.

So you can do with me as you wish.
As I pray and fast today for peace, concentration and love, ask you to bless the readers of this writing.

To make me worthy for that man of God whom makes my mouth water at his very sight. Whom can make me forget all my flaws. Whom I want to spend time alone with and enjoy all his quirks and many stories.

A man whom you’ve loved since he was a child protected him from all his wrong doings……..

I give my body to you so you can prepare me for this man. Lover of Christ. Who worships you in spirit and in truth.

No other man can love she that kneels for forgiveness of things she can’t change. With the most expensive oils and fragrance I wash thy feet. My offerings, that represent my guiltiest pleasures I give up.

For I tempted you and you punished me. I toyed with your emotion’s and got kicked to the wayside. Replaced in a heartbeat. For a woman who shows no kindness can be as good as salt to the ocean water.

But we serve a lord who is just and fair, that in spite of not being needed you can surely be wanted.

The ghost of us

I remember that sofa, when we had those big gatherings and we use to sit

beside each other making fun of everybody’s outfit.

The kitchen, where you use to make me breakfast while telling me your darkest

secrets after those terrible nightmares you had.

That stool, where we made love for the first time I laugh, we almost fell

I love it how you called me baby, you were so kind and sweet

Remember that vase, we bought it at the flea market after

that big fight with my parents because we were moving in together.

They said I was too young and I should of listened.

Now the ghost of you is haunting me and won’t let me breathe.

I remember this scarf, I had it on the day you met her.

It was like your demeanor changed, you made your decision on

that day to betray me with her.

I could tell, it was much more than carnal affliction, it was spiritual.

The ghost of us will haunt me for eternity

So I must leave this behind if I want a chance at a better life

If I want to move on as you have.

She is from Venezuela, your new girl…..

From what I hear, together you will never be us.

For the ghost of us haunts you as well

You pretend to be happy with her, I know it

The way you laugh or smile it is so fake, I hear.

But then again maybe I am hearing what I wanna hear…………

The rising phoenix

She wore a messenger bag,
With nothing in her bag but hope….
Nothing in her heart but love.
Disillusioned with life….
And still every morning she will rise.

Hand to mouth with the Lord.
Begging for a new perspective.
Scared that she will trail off into no mans land…..
The type you see under the bridge.
You know those who have given up the ghost. The holy spirit who guides us into sanity.

She wears a hat because she’s cool, trying to fit in a world who disregards her every effort.

She hides in her words because all she’s been told by her educators is that she can write. Unique is what one said, different the other.

She leaves traces of her ancestors…you know……the rappers who built her up.Hiphop overcame poverty by speaking out.

See we live in a world where we lie with each other, intimacy is worthless. We hope that time moves but it seems endless.

A world where we use material things for badges.
Foreign things we can’t pronounce.

See I live in the innercity where food is scarce because of our self indulgence. Whether sex, money or good cuisine. You see us busting ourselves to earn the same things out in the world.

Yet she’s patient waiting just to taste it. Freedom is what she yearns for to make it. Atleast from the darkness she dove into, embraced it.

I had it in my hand but due to a trance from an unknown man I swam but the current got to me. I faced it, bring me out this hole. I’ll make it.

Lord I pray tonight for her.
To rise above her obstacles. The strong hold got her like a roaring lion. That seeks to devour its prey.

But I know another Lion the one from the tribe of Judah.
Him I call triumphant.
Because theres no company like his trust me I know.

In the solitude of my despair.
I yell…..to the mountains.
Deliver me oh Lord from my inner forces, that expect me to degrade the very thing you’ve built.

You and I are one theres no one else holding my hand.

When the mosquitoes use to bite me you would send a breeze that would soothe me. Then drift off to sleep.

Like the days of the coach where you would fill my wildest dreams.
….Leaving me to dream I surely was the choosen one.
Overcompensating for my lack thereoff……

So she picked up her messenger bag and imparted empathy. To the people who are just like her.

He begs to refrain from your impulses…..develop an intelect that will encourage my kin.
But then I ask myself how will I win.

Forget to win, for the souls are mine to keep. A crown I promise but not of a queen…
A princess you are a princess you’ ll always be…..Forget the world just follow me.
Into eternity. What have I shown you. That they spat in your face, they throw their bones at you.

For the risen phoenix just like my mother said will for ever be a fantasy. Babygirl it’s in your head.

The vagabond

Run find your place vagabond. Have shame your a disgrace vagabond. You make it obvious with all your pain. No one cares. Because at the end of the day, they laugh and stare. They place snares around you. Slipping bananas…
So you can bust your ass, vagabond.
Yet their cheerful smile, enticing loud.
You make them proud as you approach the crowd.
Reaching acceptance, finally oh wow.
Then the same shit happens, yet you wonder how?
Because your heart is out exposed to the world
so loud.
Your cries for love reach the eternal grounds.
They echo clearly, so does your frown…
Comply with your treatment, yes that’s how!
you’ll get them to see, yes they’ll know now.
How normal you can be and accept this now.
How many times can they hurt you, vagabond
they don’t deserve you…vagabond.
So take your stick with bag attached
keep looking for a place to crash…
Never once looking back, never once loosing track
of the mission at hand. To impart justice, peace through facts.
To express yourself with rap on wax.
Whatever your passion is whatever your goals are
vagabond, relax.
You will do what you think, it’s just a matter of time.
Before they see you come forth and manifest the divine.
So keep pushing vagabond, don’t hide. So keep living nonchalant,
remember they don’t like your kind. Vagabond.

When I became a woman…..

When I became a woman
When I became a woman it was the hardest decision I made.
It meant putting my feelings aside not doing the same.
Things that were foreign to me, I did truly ashamed.
But now I know better so it wasn’t in vain.
When I became a woman it was so clearly to see,
how foolish I had been so eager to please.
To put away myself so quickly was me
Now I put myself first, I live vicariously.
When I became a woman I put away childish things
No more meaningless flings for material things.
Or wishing and hoping for that engagement ring.
I just focused on myself, one day he’ll walk in!
When I became a woman it had nothing to do with a sexual act
It wasn’t a moment of lust or a moment of facts.
It was a new perspective that I took on like that.
A new way of thinking from experiences that
changed me for the better, made me love what I lack.

Let us remember….

Let us remember above all we were created equal 
by a god so see through
His intent unique to 
those who worship and believe who answers prayers that deliver you from the hopelessness of pain.
No one dies in vain, nothing new under the sun. Everything remains the same.
The lives of the victims will impact some how, some way….
As I ponder what more to say I realized how much more I pray. How much more I wait on the call to be answered some how, some way.
So the victim’s lives will be exalted, a prime example of how much the Lord had loved them. 
Contrary to legalistic beliefs, he adored them.
And my heart cries to them that mourn.
The loss of a loved one my heart is torn. 
See to their families they were not gay so and so. 
They were people who they once lived for. So now tell them who will they live for? 
Some were Daughters and sons who had just begun to live out, to have fun. 
Some left their children with their sitter 
Never to hear their mothers whispers at night its cold when you have no one…..
some were brothers lovers or friends attached at the hip until the end never to realize that it will all end on that dreadful night to sleep they were sent…….
I speak peace love and joy 
I speak of a world where hate no longer destroys.
A place where we can all enjoy where we see each other as people not toys.
That we respect each others choice but can come together and rejoice.
That we have a God who loves us all that he can trully fill the void.