As I gasp for air just thinking of the word communion. To commune, to partake. For your sake. Must be done. Must we share? A place in time so vivid you are you keep me entranced with the divine.

Communion….. see I interpret it as an act of humility, to commune and partake. To pass the bread of life as you and your disciples did. What are to you trying to say? To me oh Lord who can’t even share time with those who I love.

For my spirit is exalted, my thoughts un-pure. My convictions are heavy at the sight of the Lord. So this bread was passed around? What could the taste have been? Could it have been stale, hard to go down. Hard to embrace making you frown. Was it cold but tempting to the sight, so filling I can’t put up a fight? Or was it warm but not tempting at best but when you try it, it will put you to rest. That something so good was tasted by me that could put all upheaval and madness to sleep.

And when they passed the bread around did they take a big bit or was it nibbled and savored, a morsel sufficed. Did they know what it was, a ceremony that required their trust. A moment in time sealed with a brush, a stroke of a pen an account of the facts. A moment of giving and sharing their best. Which their commitment to you and to their brethren too. A pledge was taken an oath to be honored for you.

But I cannot relate, my soul is at stake for she of Magdalene is missing her plate. I say her plate for she wanted it all. Her riches and wealth had lead to her fall. Triumphant he is who called out her name, in seven different ways it sounded the same. Yet she stood and followed command and said in her heart what manner, this man? Who came to erase the sins of the world. All grown up he made me girl. My cheeks blush my hairs stand I feel like child holding his hand.

But I won’t question her presence or not, communion we all must partake wether we want to or not. We must sit at the table, listening to all the fables. The day to day trial which greatly enable, to give strength and peace to abide with each other. That forces ourselves to love one another.

So let go of the pain because the childish remain dancing with the wicked their music in vain. Their lustful wishes will tear them apart. You said you were coming so don’t break my heart. I wait for the promises that you will impart distributed equally no matter what……..

My trust in you

I put my trust in you I always have. You have been kind, thoughtful a true gentleman. Teaching me patience through your methodical blessings. Not too much, not too soon.

But I plead with you Lord. Not this!

Don’t take away the one thing that has uplifted me in the last few months. I go through dark tunnels, intimacy is a craving that I deprive myself from.

The taste of love bitter to my mouth but a much needed bitter. That once it navigates to my body dulls all negative anticipations that I had of him.

Him whom I love but can’t have. For he is a servant of the Lord who can’t commingle with the wicked.

A prince whom you’ve prepared for your army. May I be worthy of a morsel.
Just a taste of love, a trickle. That I may feel what wakes people up in the morning, rushes them to bed at night.

The thing poets write about and scientist can’t seem to discover.
That love that keeps you going fuels your soul.

Upon my self discovery I have found it to be hard to love but more so due to lack for love of self. So I give myself to you…..yet again.

So you can do with me as you wish.
As I pray and fast today for peace, concentration and love, ask you to bless the readers of this writing.

To make me worthy for that man of God whom makes my mouth water at his very sight. Whom can make me forget all my flaws. Whom I want to spend time alone with and enjoy all his quirks and many stories.

A man whom you’ve loved since he was a child protected him from all his wrong doings……..

I give my body to you so you can prepare me for this man. Lover of Christ. Who worships you in spirit and in truth.

No other man can love she that kneels for forgiveness of things she can’t change. With the most expensive oils and fragrance I wash thy feet. My offerings, that represent my guiltiest pleasures I give up.

For I tempted you and you punished me. I toyed with your emotion’s and got kicked to the wayside. Replaced in a heartbeat. For a woman who shows no kindness can be as good as salt to the ocean water.

But we serve a lord who is just and fair, that in spite of not being needed you can surely be wanted.